i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
