I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
