it wasn't lemon gatorade
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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