he shaved USA in his pubs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
