Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
