he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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