She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
