ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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