I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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