Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
