i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
