and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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