david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
