wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
