we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
