I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
