you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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