Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
