and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
