Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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