It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
