Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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