are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
