i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
