Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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