Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
