i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
