i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Too much gin, very little bucket
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
