In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize