The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
