Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
