My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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