be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
