So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
