420 ftw
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
