So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize