I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
