Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
