I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
