Sry I called you an 8
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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