Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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