another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
