I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
