I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
