i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
