I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All the doctor said was why
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
