Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
