i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
