i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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