Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Text me some of your sweat
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