I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize