do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A+ Viking dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
