Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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