In the future we'll all be gay
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize