@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
