you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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