I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drake has all the answers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
