He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
