Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
