so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
