I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
