i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
why is half of my head shaved?
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