woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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