i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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