So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm too high and old for this...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
